Subs and Stuff One-Bite Reviews - Click a Sub to See the Rating

Friday, May 15, 2015

Jimmy John's - South Boston

Dude! You'll Freak!
DUDE! They pre-slice and weigh their meats!!!

Among bros in the midwest, the phrase "Dude!? You've never had Jimmy John's?!?"inevitably comes up when any East Coast sub savage with integrity reveals his true colors.

"Dude! They're so fast, and the bread, dude!"

"Dude! The mayo!?!"


Look at all the exclamation points!

Year after year, the Subs and Stuff Savages have resisted the endless "dude" exclamations and chosen originality, creativity, and quality over speed, bland consistency, and mayonnaise when choosing subs. The overwhelming number of exclamation points on their menu cannot outweigh the banality of their ingredients and combinations. Granted, hunger calls, and when you want a turkey sandwich and you're too high to move, a quick, tasty, and consistent sandwich that appears seemingly instantaneously certainly has its value.

Basic Decorations like a Basic Betch's Bedroom!

Yet, Subs and Stuff is not in the business of convenience; we search for the best (among other businesses like apparel, events, the internet, etc.). The D St. Jimmy John's location was the first in Boston and in Mass, opening in 2014, while stores in Brighton, outside of Kenmore, and across from the Garden have popped up in the last year. With old-timey street signs and neons proclaiming "Freaky Fast Delivery" among other vapid sayings and quotes like a twenty-something basic, betch's bedroom, the Jimmy John's interior mirrors its menu: screaming for attention, yet lacking substance.

The Italian Night Club is the Vito with double-meat and extra smoked ham along with salami, capicola, provolone, the fixins, and an Italian vinaigrette. No surprise, they include mayo as well.

Check the video below to see how Jimmy John's stacks up against Boston's best and to hear some sick Rock n' Roll tunes!

The Italian Night Club sticks to the script with salami, capicola, and smoked ham. It goes without saying that ham is a cop out, but nonetheless, the meats are average quality. Jimmy John's heralded bread is better than basic but nothing special. It is very soft on the interior with an ever-so-slight crisp exterior that is far less chemical than Subway but still seems somewhat artificial like plastic. As you can see, this was essentially a salad sub on the inside.
Dude! Subs so poorly made you'll FREAK!
The execution of the sandwich was abysmal with overwhelming amounts of shredded, iceberg lettuce and massive, sprawling slices of onion. The vinaigrette is subtle along with the hots, which is a relish but not a particularly spicy or flavorful one. While the sub improved with each bite as it got meatier, the first bite was essentially lettuce, onions, and, dude, the bread. 

Perhaps, Matt E. Bonez went a bit Ted Wells on Jimmy John's assuming a less-than-stellar sub before he tried it, but regardless, Jimmy John's is not the best in Boston.

RY WILL REBUTTAL:  I'm going to try to gather Jimmy's scattered remains after that thorough thrashing and play Devil's Advocate real quick (Shout out Keanu).  Jimmy John's doesn't make bad sandwiches, nor do they make good ones, but their sandwiches are a hell of a lot better than that trash that fuccboi Jared is peddling over at Subway.  They have good pickles and their reduced fat chips are flames as far as reduced fat chips go.  The sub shops themselves do look like they were decorated by Guy Fieri's midwest bastard child, but all in all, the product is solid if you come in with the right expectations.  It must have been the mayonnaise the got the Bones man so riled up.  

Jimmy John's
413 D St.
South Boston, MA 02210
5.9/10 on the Italian Sub Scale

Post written in a Subs and Stuff Shirt

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