Ted's Bar - Storrs, CT

Monster Cheeseburger Sub with a Big Ass Beer 

Boys and girls, get your beads out because Bones is showing his ass on campus this weekend. Feeling freaky, the Bonesman put his pride aside and significantly regressed to dancing in a frat house, drinking Busch Lite, and confessing to confused kids with fake ID's that he was nearly ten years older than them and was not interested in eyeball shots of vodka or vaping molly. He was interested, however, in shoving monster subs down his throat in the back of the sticky, sweaty Ted's Bar on the campus of the University of Connecticut in Storrs, CT.

With the UConn hockey team in the building, he probably wasn't the only one hoping to shove something down the throat, but thankfully, Ted's has a menu of massive subs for sale. Since 1965, Ted's has catered to UConn students and creepy visitors alike. Regulars here wash down BBQ Chicken and Onion Ring Pizzas with pitchers of Bionic Beavers available in either red or blue, but Subs and Stuff showed up for the subs. Ted's has a splendid selection of subs such as several steak and cheeses, cheeseburger, and cold cut subs available as 16" monsters with a side of chips and a dill pickle for $11. On Spring Weekend, Ted's served $3 beers out of a plastic replica of a fat-ass man's lower half as they have for the past 13 years. Thanks to another grown man posing as an undergrad and his wife, we have footage of Frat E. Bonez devouring the Monster Cheeseburger Sub amidst undergraduate revelry. Check it out here

The Monster Cheeseburger Sub includes four 6 oz. beef patties, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, and ranchero sauce served on a soft sub roll. Due to its size, the sub is sliced in fours and arranged in a square alongside chips and a massive dill pickle spear. The slicing essentially renders the sub as four separate cheeseburgers, yet the roll is a familiar sub style. The patties had a beefy taste, but were cooked well done and seemed particularly pre-made. The toppings and cheese were middle of the mall but were included in good ratios. Ted's subs earns their stripes in its mass: this is a big-ass sub. Like the accompanying beer, the portion size is massive, and it provides the perfect base for a thirsty co-ed looking to pound far too many servings of beer out of a replica of a man's ass. While it's not the greatest quality sub, it hits the spot over and over again if you're looking to shove a pound and a half of meat down your throat.   

Ted's Bar
16 King Hill Rd.
Storrs, CT
7.0/10 on the Cheeseburger Sub Scale

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